Teen Choices and Pregnancy

Teens need to be informed of consequences before forcing an undesirable choice. From polls taken n 2014, a total of 249,078 babies were born to women aged 15 - 19 years of age, dropping 9% in one year. https://www.cdc.gov/teenpregnancy/about/



However, lack of knowledge and unclear choices seems to be a common factor. Please have talks with your children in allowing them to understand that children aren't puppies that you can give away or put outside when you don't feel like giving attention. As children grow up, their needs constantly change. Plus, a young person hasn't finished his or her growing cycle yet. Sometimes kids need to have fun without planning ahead or canceling at the last minute because a babysitter had a change of plans. While still growing, they must sleep the entire night and perhaps even sleep in. Don't call into work because the daycare calls you to pick up your sick child. And babies aren't free. Check the prices at the supermarket of diapers and formula alone, keeping in mind they outgrow their clothes every three months. Babies cost a lot. They are not a hobby but a commitment.

Ambitious Journal - On your mark - Get set - STOP!

True Gratitude is Inspired

Sherri and Keith Papini with their two children (ABC News article below)

Everyone knows that kids live what they learn. You've seen the kid misbehaving in the store and opening everyone's eyes with a clear and distinct cussword, right? What happens right after? The parent pulls their arm back, stiff handed, and slaps the child across the face. Sure, the child was out of line but wasn't the parent? And where do you think the kid learned the behavior? The same goes for the opposite behavior; those children who were taught to appreciate what they have through true gratitude inspired to be thankful. What behaviors will the child harbor into becoming an adult?

If you've had a difficult childhood of your own, this doesn't give special permission to continue the abuse. And that's exactly what this is -- abusive behavior. You need to step back one day at a time, one incident at a time, and consider what your child sees in you and your behavior. Understand that your child considers you an idol from the time of birth and mimics everything you do in hopes of becoming you. Nobody said you're perfect. Quite the contrary. None of us are perfect. That's why following the basic steps of gratitude can help mold your life into someone you can be proud of displaying to your child. Opposed to the frowns and furrowed brows of before, how would it make you feel for a stranger to see a fantastic behavior and comment on it? (Yes, this will happen.)

Each day, usually at the end of the day, stop for a moment and ask your child what happened today that caused gratitude. Answer yourself, as well. We do this at dinner time while we're all sitting still. You'll be stunned at the behavior following this activity within just a few months. This inspiration can cause your life to change considerably. Go on, try it. What have you got to lose? Gratitude? It's contagious.

If you've noticed your child displaying a positive behavior learned from you, please share.

Here's a story I found concerning the after effects of gratitude for a close-knit family.

True Gratitude is Inspired

Teaching your Child to Think means Informing your Child

Every state has its own limitations on providing protection for children and protection for those offending. What? you may be asking. Why do child predators need protection, and who was protecting my child while he/she was being offended? That's a great question, but quite often the parent will be the first to be blamed for having the alert blinders on; for not paying better attention of when the issues started.
     The truth of the matter is, pedophiles actually have more rights than the victims do. In most states, the law stipulates the crime needs reporting at eight years or less after the crime's occurrence. Each state's individual limitations. This is rather tricky, though.

     What this means is when a child suffers threats against self, family, or pet, or perhaps doesn't even realize the extent of the behavior and "Uncle Tom" is abusing her, she suffers the lifelong injuries. Now she may not have a fully functional and healthy relationship, or even be physically fit to have painless sexual relations. But because the perpetrator wasn't detected on time, your child's life is swept under the rug and away from the eyes of Justice. According to Child Protection Tips nearly 1 out of 4 people convicted of this disgusting activity re-offend while on parole or probation of doing committing the crime the first time.

     Do this: Close your eyes and have someone hand you something you aren't familiar with while blindfolded. The blindfold puts you in an environment where you cannot readily describe things around you, much like a baby, or child, who hasn't yet learned the proper names for things and might recall them incorrectly because of this. According to Parents Magazine, babies remember things before they have a title to place on the item. This means their memory is relative to the feeling the occurrence evokes, rather than what its given title may be. Children, as well as adults, typically appreciate hugs from people they care about, while hugging someone they don't know doesn't feel the same. Why is that? From the time we are infants, our mind connects hugs with nurturing and protection. It makes sense we don't like hugging strangers as much as those we love, doesn't it?

     90% of the time, a child's perpetrator is someone he knows and 68% of the time the perpetrator is a family member, according to KidSafe Foundation. Do you trust your child to stand up to grandpa and tell him that what he's doing is wrong? Grandpa probably has the power to punish your child, take privileges or special treats away, and at least make your child feel guilty for "getting grandpa in trouble," even though grandpa did it to himself. It's so important to consider this scenario from a child's point-of-view; the point-of-view of having a blindfold on and not knowing who to trust.

     Teaching is more than telling. Teaching is showing and enforcing that what you say goes. The child needs to understand that assertiveness is his right too. Now this isn't saying you should encourage your child to argue. Set the rules down with a legitimate reason as to why it is a rule, right after telling him the correct procedure, without your child prodding by asking "Why?" What this will do is instill to your child there are rules with reasons aside from "because I said." Then you are setting an example of empowerment your child can mimic himself, with good reasons connected to perform his own Critical Thinking.

     While you cannot watch what your child does 100% of the time, no matter who you are, you can instill guidelines and open communication with your child to deflect the offense before it happens. After all, it's easier to avoid an incident than making a failed attempt to patch it up "good as new" after the fact. This is an event no parents wish to patch up with their own children.


If you are interested in insuring your own child, and those of your neighbors, you'll want to sign the attached petition here: Insure YOUR child's innocence.

"Here There be Monsters"

Have you ever tried to teach someone something you don't practice yourself? It isn't an easy task, is it? While explaining, an important tip is making sure your child is relaxing while listening to the lesson. This cannot happen if your child is so uptight other issues are prioritized. How can you teach your child how to relax while learning? Everyone is aware the majority of learning comes from watching and listening. The same goes for what your child learns from you. Are you on the edge when you come home from work and the tension only escalates? This is not a good learning environment.

In Pirates of the Caribbean, Barbossa stands tall when he announces, "Here there be monsters." This isn't the type of phrase to get anyone in a cuddly mood. But the same goes for teaching your child. If you want your child to learn, starting off by criticizing or demeaning him or her will not work. All your child will hear is how disappointed you are. Concentrating on the negativity and repercussions will close the hearing and thinking gates for a while, making it impossible to hear what causes your unhappiness and how to improve.

You and your child are a team. You're on the same side, playing against the same "bad guys" and you need to voice as much. Explain why you have concerns, what the consequences may be if the lesson isn't learned, and then the gleaming rewards of doing the task correctly. (Keep in mind, there's no suggestion of bribery here, just a simple hug, a smile, and a thank you are enough.)

A few times of handling difficult situations will not only make your child's day brighter, but you'll feel better too. Now, go outside and  play!

Photo: Wallpapers Wide, (2009-2013)
           http://wallpaperswide.com/pirates_of_the_caribbean_on_stranger_tides___barbossa-wallpapers.html

Preparing your Child for the "Real" World

The correct answer is not placing your child in front of the evening news, pointing to a criminal and saying, "If you don't clean up your act, that's gonna be you!" What you should do is explain to your child the options the person may have had and what better consequences could have been the result, but not necessarily by watching the news.

No matter how much you understand it's not feasible to anticipate your child, who is considerably younger than you, to have the same comprehension as an adult. The key is "Value." When a child realizes the value of a correct decision the positive reinforcement and encouragement from the results will produce more of the same behavior. Encouraging your child to consider alternatives is the healthy way to gain positive results, which is why corporal punishment and spanking is not the acceptable way to go. What this type of punishment shows is that it is okay to hit, probably producing a child who grows to duplicate this behavior. Your child deserves to be a "thinker" as opposed to someone with a hair trigger temper as a result of not exercising consideration of the outcome.

The die hard truth is, no matter what type of person you are, or the values you display, you can pretty much count on your child continuing the behavior. Parents who steal, lie and abuse, display the behavior as acceptable, no matter what they say can expect reciprocation. This is why the best example may be a silent, yet glowing, example as actions truly do speak louder than words.

Modeling good behavior and explaining to your child what is acceptable behavior is the key to success. Share quality time and don't be afraid to praise your child for a job well-done, if they've done a good job. But this doesn't mean to make a big deal out of something small... that's another subject.

Teach your Children to Respect Themselves

As young children emerge, they are typically taught to respect and obey their elders, but there is a fine line between when they should let that go to simply respect themselves. Children should not be taught to "always do what an adult tells them," but to consider what an adult says. This should be followed by visualizing the consequences and making an informed decision--adults are not always trustworthy and to teach a child this untruth is abusive. According to Oprah, about 90% of molested children know their victims, although the numbers discovered say the number is a bit higher. This statistic should scare every commonsense parent in our country, keeping in mind that this number only stipulates the ones caught, which are a small percentage.

One source states, "Offenders report that when they touch a child, most (60%) of the victims are boys. In contrast, 99% of individuals who window-peep or expose themselves do so against girls. 95% of known Pedophiles are heterosexual and 50% have consumed alcohol to excess at the time of the incident. A significant number of Pedophiles simultaneously, or have previously been, involved in genital exposure (Exhibitionism), peeping (Voyeurism), or rape."

When an adult asks or commands a child to do something that creates discomfort or doubt, the child should have been instructed previously to discuss it with a parent or whoever is responsible for her--no matter what. Instruct the children when in doubt it's okay to be unsure about something. It's alright to tell the person asking or commanding them to do it they intend on asking her parent first. If the person begs, threatens, or puts down the child for wanting to ask a parent, the child should be made to know this is a sign that clarifies the importance of telling an adult right away.

Sure there is controversy about whether pedophilia is an inborn deformity, whether it is something introduced to the predator, or whether or not they can help themselves. This is not a parent's concern to figure out. Regardless of the reason, sexual abuse should not happen to your child and it is the parent's job to educate their children about this very real childhood and self-esteem killer.

My children have been told that when a stranger approaches them outside, they are to run into the house immediately and tell me. While this may seem a bit skittish, my children will probably live longer by losing a couple of minutes of playtime than a child who is afraid to bother her parent for fear of being reprimanded.

They are also instructed that no one can touch them inappropriately, and we've discussed those areas. What does "inappropriately" mean? ANYTHING to do with areas your culture signifies as private, and any additional areas making the child uncomfortable. If the child doesn't feel like kissing grandma or grandpa good-bye, there may be a reason and there may not be. However, in teaching a child to ignore her instincts is a great way to set her up for a regretful future. Instincts are nature's way of alerting people to trouble and the more they are ignored, the more desensitized the children will become.

Respect can go a long way. Sure, children should be respectful to certain figures as a general rule be it teachers, policemen, reverends, instructors, friends, or relatives. But the first concern as a parent is to teach your children to respect themselves by following their instincts.

Oprah, 4 Things to Know about Child Molestation, (2010) http://www.oprah.com/oprahshow/4-Things-to-Know-About-Child-Molestation

The Crisis Connection, (2012) http://www.crisisconnectioninc.org/sexualassault/pedophilia_and_molestation.htm

The Daily Beast, What Science Reveals about Pedophilia, (2011) http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2011/12/06/what-science-reveals-about-pedophilia.html