Teach your Children to Respect Themselves

As young children emerge, they are typically taught to respect and obey their elders, but there is a fine line between when they should let that go to simply respect themselves. Children should not be taught to "always do what an adult tells them," but to consider what an adult says. This should be followed by visualizing the consequences and making an informed decision--adults are not always trustworthy and to teach a child this untruth is abusive. According to Oprah, about 90% of molested children know their victims, although the numbers discovered say the number is a bit higher. This statistic should scare every commonsense parent in our country, keeping in mind that this number only stipulates the ones caught, which are a small percentage.

One source states, "Offenders report that when they touch a child, most (60%) of the victims are boys. In contrast, 99% of individuals who window-peep or expose themselves do so against girls. 95% of known Pedophiles are heterosexual and 50% have consumed alcohol to excess at the time of the incident. A significant number of Pedophiles simultaneously, or have previously been, involved in genital exposure (Exhibitionism), peeping (Voyeurism), or rape."

When an adult asks or commands a child to do something that creates discomfort or doubt, the child should have been instructed previously to discuss it with a parent or whoever is responsible for her--no matter what. Instruct the children when in doubt it's okay to be unsure about something. It's alright to tell the person asking or commanding them to do it they intend on asking her parent first. If the person begs, threatens, or puts down the child for wanting to ask a parent, the child should be made to know this is a sign that clarifies the importance of telling an adult right away.

Sure there is controversy about whether pedophilia is an inborn deformity, whether it is something introduced to the predator, or whether or not they can help themselves. This is not a parent's concern to figure out. Regardless of the reason, sexual abuse should not happen to your child and it is the parent's job to educate their children about this very real childhood and self-esteem killer.

My children have been told that when a stranger approaches them outside, they are to run into the house immediately and tell me. While this may seem a bit skittish, my children will probably live longer by losing a couple of minutes of playtime than a child who is afraid to bother her parent for fear of being reprimanded.

They are also instructed that no one can touch them inappropriately, and we've discussed those areas. What does "inappropriately" mean? ANYTHING to do with areas your culture signifies as private, and any additional areas making the child uncomfortable. If the child doesn't feel like kissing grandma or grandpa good-bye, there may be a reason and there may not be. However, in teaching a child to ignore her instincts is a great way to set her up for a regretful future. Instincts are nature's way of alerting people to trouble and the more they are ignored, the more desensitized the children will become.

Respect can go a long way. Sure, children should be respectful to certain figures as a general rule be it teachers, policemen, reverends, instructors, friends, or relatives. But the first concern as a parent is to teach your children to respect themselves by following their instincts.

Oprah, 4 Things to Know about Child Molestation, (2010) http://www.oprah.com/oprahshow/4-Things-to-Know-About-Child-Molestation

The Crisis Connection, (2012) http://www.crisisconnectioninc.org/sexualassault/pedophilia_and_molestation.htm

The Daily Beast, What Science Reveals about Pedophilia, (2011) http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2011/12/06/what-science-reveals-about-pedophilia.html