How to Win Disagreements with your Child and come out Clean!

When you have conversations with your child are you playing a game of rugby or participating in a rowing race? One causes opposition with bantering back and forth and eventually one side or the other wins (and sometimes the win isn't so fortuitous). The other game, both players end up winning and accomplishing this at a much higher and faster level than if doing it alone. This is the colossal difference the use of words can make for you and your child during a disagreement. Plus, solving issues in a calm manner makes for great learning lessons for your little one.

Some parents tell the kids what to do and then start counting. When they hit three, you will not want to be the culprit causing the alarm. The old "Do it now!" doesn't work well until business gets right down to it. The problem with this is that a parent should never have to continuously count to get a reaction from the kids, otherwise they won't do anything but count. Of course, each time they count they become more and more angry until eventually the patience wears excruciatingly thin. By then, the child receives punishment or the parent becomes a liar, senselessly. Either of these equals a bad outcome.

Instead of "laying down the law" children need to feel as if they are guiding their own destinies, and in a sense they truly are! By telling children what they can expect when they are responsible gives them realistic expectations of reward, even if the reward isn't that big of a deal. Something like "Feel free to call you friend as soon as you take out the garbage." You can bet that garbage will be out the door and to the curb before you turn back around, especially when you do this enough times. Just like the former example this becomes a habit for you, but subconsciously the child ends up determining that putting up a fuss is a waste of time. Realization tells them that giving you your way allows them more choices and more time to do things they enjoy.

When you find yourself in a tug-o-war with words you may feel it necessary to remind them of whom they are speaking to, this is bad. "You don't talk to me that way!" is probably something your children should already know. And telling them now won't make that big of an impact. What this will do is cause harsh feelings where the child will either slink away feeling dejected, or the negative energy could mount to epic proportions. Either way, it isn't a good thing.

Something that will undoubtedly work wonders is working together to participate in a cooperative manner. If the child begins to argue, tell him/her you'll be glad to discuss it with them as soon as the arguing stops and voices come down to speaking tones. At this time, you will need to follow the same guidelines as the ones you have set. When the discussion is mutual, you can see each other's standpoint clearly. When you are on the same side of the fence, looking over, it's a lot easier to see the other's position to understand where you each are coming from.

When parents have spent their last mental dollar patience may be difficult to find, so saying something like "I'm not going to tell you again to pick this up," will not work. Because, surprise, you just did. So instead of expressing what you aren't going to do, you need to think of a choice that can go along with your desired request. (Remember, it's always better to tell them what you will do or what will happen because it plants a positive, subconscious seed.) When a child refuses to eat something prepared for dinner he/she can have a choice to eat their meal at mealtime, or see if the next meal has more appeal. Giving in and allowing frozen pizza while the rest of the family eats the home cooked meal is ridiculous! This is giving an allowance for bad behavior. Soon a McDonald's may as well set up in your kitchen and you can punch the clock, because everyone else will follow suit.

It's clear to see how working together resolves sticky situation faster and stronger than arguing does, and working together will actually increase your bond even more. It's evident that solving an issue is a much faster and stable way than exchanging words or punishments can ever do. So it is true, you can be the good guy and still win the battle!