Teach Your Child: Remain Grounded in a Crisis

How many times have parents made sure everyone's shoes are on and they've combed their hair, as they head out the door, just to stop short? Across the room, one child sits in despair with untied shoes sitting next to a pair of socked feet. The parent may say something to the child about needing to hurry when the child says, "I can't."

Before uttering a word, stop. If an outburst arises, the significance of the diminishing situation will change the issue in the child's mind. The child will be paying more attention to the fact the adult is upset, than the situation of tying the shoes, which can impair the ability to think even more. Instead, maintain the relationship of parental controls rather than "jumping on the bandwagon" of frustration.

The first aspect of resolving the situation is in understanding, not what is going on, but what the child perceives is going on. The reason the child is upset may not be what is really happening, but he/she is upset because of the disappointment. The example used earlier of tying shoes is perfect as we think about what is happening; is the child upset because putting shoes on an tying them will take too long, or maybe the whole routine has been forgotten. Perhaps the child is rebelling because of where the intended trip is to, and perhaps there is a valid reason for the stall. Perhaps the child is afraid of disappointing the parent because the process may take awhile, causing additional stress. The point is, whether we agree or not, the child's point of view says there is a valid reason.

More importantly, the child will learn from the example of the parent, by watching how we handle the situation with ease. With the situation handled smoothly, the child will make it to the car and the journey will continue. Now, what could the alternative have been if anger had won and after a bout of screaming and crying the two head to the car, shoes in hand? What is the mood for at least two people, and perhaps more, because of the effects? From every experience in our lives, we learn something, what lesson will we learn for the next time a situation like this arises? And when will the child forget he/she "can't"?

For years, through scientific research, we are aware that between 70-90% of what we communicate to each other is not verbal. It also tells us that those who cannot communicate through an expressed verbal skill, learn to pick up on cues easier than those who can speak. Who is more eager to pick up on these signs than children and babies? The fact they are children leaves the adults to know that because we are setting an example, it is imperative we remain grounded.